Summer Reading for Liberals (Are You Listening, John Conyers?)

© 2009, by The Conservative Muse

We know that Barack’s a speech-maker deluxe,

In contrast to Bush, who so painfully sucks.

His syntax is glib and his vocals are swell --

It’s just that the content is scary as hell!

But we also now know how the Dems have ingested

These programs Barack and his boys have suggested:

The honest John Conyers just lately admitted

He’s not reading the health bill the Congress submitted!

It’s too long and complex, but he’ll vote for the plan,

Even though neither he nor the average man

Can determine who may be the bill’s beneficiary -

He’s only the head of the House’s Judiciary!

This incredible story has gotten us Musing

On all of the things that the Dems aren’t perusing.

To shed helpful light that these liberals need,

Here’s a summertime list of some things they should read:

They first should go back and restudy the contents

Of the stimulus bill and the “cap and trade” nonsense.

Scientific reports and a history book

Would show them how silly these policies look.

And now that GM’s got a government czar,

This leader should know about building a car.

“Car and Driver” and “Motor Trend” sound pretty tough,

But The Big Book of Cars should be simple enough!

We recall when Obama was acting so rash

O’er secured Chrysler creditors’ claims to their cash;

They’re “selfish” and “greedy,” he said with aplomb;

A bankruptcy primer might make him less dumb!

Now even some liberals voice their dismay

That we’re lurching so far in a socialist way.

But we knew Barack longed for big government glory:

We’ve read what was printed about his life story!

Of course there are plenty of books that we’ve missed;

By now, we're assured that you’ve gotten the gist.

But as long as The One and his minions persist

In pounding our laws with a liberal fist

We need to be equally strong to insist

That our own Constitution be high on their list!

The Muse Pops a Quiz! (Hint: Obama's Involved...)

© 2009, by The Conservative Muse

Now here’s a pop quiz that will test your awareness

Of movies, child books, and a guy who seeks “fairness”:

Q: What’s the link ‘tween a famed, giant Japanese creature,

and Barack, and the star of a Disney kid feature?

A: As sure as Godzilla returns to raze Tokyo,

Obama will make like a human Pinocchio!

It’s hard to beat Clinton, who looked in our eyes,

And still, under oath, told his Monica lies.

But Obama is using his “gift” that he flaunts –

Slick speech-making talent that every pol wants –

To feed us untruths in a story that grows

As fast and as large as Pinocchio’s nose.

There first was the stimulus, promising rates

Of higher employment to all of the States.

Since no stimulus spending has worked in our history,

The source of its failure is hardly a mystery.

But The One has a comeback when faced with reality:

“Blame Bush! He’s the guy who destroyed our vitality!”

And next came the whimsical “cap and trade” scheme,

a bloated big government tax-and-spend dream.

Barack has promoted a truly huge hoax:

While vowing no taxes on middle class folks,

Instead he’d raise costs of whatever’s consumed

By those suckers whose welfare he says he’s assumed.

Now here comes his favorite: health care reform!

Our current “poor” system he’d like to transform

To a government-run and -controlling bureaucracy:

To claim this cuts costs is the height of hypocrisy!

Like the high squeaky voice of the doll of Geppetto,

Newly-castrated doctors will speak in falsetto!

Barack’s headstrong charges are sounding alarms:

Could drops in the polls mean he’s losing his charms?

Like a growing proboscis of puppeteer fame,

We need a reliable gauge to proclaim

When Obama is playing his dishonest game --

Or we’ll let him accomplish his socialist aim!

The Muse Predicts the Scariest Horror Sequel Ever!

© 2009, by The Conservative Muse

The Muse is an icon of taste and gentility,

A role he accepts with the utmost humility.

Besides being skilled as a right-winging bard,

He holds works of culture in highest regard.

Of music and art he’s a fervent adorer --

But he guiltily loves that film genre called “horror.”

There’s Frankenstein, Dracula, Wolf Man, The Mummy ---

All creatures with whom the Boy Muse had got chummy.

His innocent mind was both tortured and thrilled

when a hideous fiend, even though he was killed,

would return from the dead in a new incarnation --

the concept of “sequel” was given creation!

There’s “Son of…” and “Bride of…” and even a “Ghost of”….

It’s Hollywood’s way of finessing the most of

A movie idea that really does work!

We’re amused to see studio heads go berserk,

Rehashing old plots to ensure flow of cash

Before the hot franchise can wear out and crash.

But these monsters can’t just undergo resurrection:

They need to come back with more vicious intention.

To keep modern horror freaks hungry for more,

The producers keep upping the carnage and gore.

(and sadly, the “Son of…” and “Bride of…” we knew,

Are replaced by mere numbers, like “Troll” and “Troll 2”.)

“Halloween,” “Friday”s Jason, and chainsaws in Texas

Are likely to show someone’s doomed solar plexus

Getting split in a bloodbath of graphic portrayal

Lest producers commit the most fatal betrayal

Of their fans by not meeting a gross-out potential;

A high body count is now genre-essential!

But now there’s a sequel in full preproduction,

That promises scenes of prodigious destruction

to make all the carnage of splatter films seem

Like innocent stuff of a Dr. Seuss theme.

So prepare yourselves well for the ghastly extreme

Of “Stimulus 2 – Barack’s Socialist Dream!”

Flash: Barack, EPA, Join Flat-Earth Society!

© 2009, by The Conservative Muse

 

There really are people who claim to believe

That our planet is flat since that’s what they perceive.

'Gainst conventional wisdom they flaunt their defiance;

After all, what’s the use of that thing they call “science”?

 

Now Barack’s EPA is that type of society

Where rejection of facts is considered propriety.

It recently squelched scientific results

Of a study that’s harmful to climate change cults.

 

It told us the truth about globalized warming,

But with leftist agendas it wasn’t conforming.

Now our sly EPA’s listed CO2 gases

As threats to melt glaciers and drown all the masses.

 

These rife greenhouse gases need tight “regulation,”

A fine euphemism for some wacky taxation.

Flat-Earthers are sane when compared to a man

Thinking “cap and trade” schemes are a really good plan!

 

The One says we shouldn’t be all that concerned,

The average person will only be burned

To the tune of few hundreds of dollars a year…

Sure…

…and socialized health care is nothing to fear!

 

The economy’s sick and it raises our hackles

When Obama’s response is to put it in shackles

By taxing the heck out of all of our trade

As part of the “Stop Global Warming” charade.

 

The Flat Earth Society’s nutty, it’s true,

But we’d also point out that Barack has no clue

Of realities posed by financial distress;

Just look how his “stimulus” adds to the mess!

 

The One and his Agency ought to address

Our need for a shrink who can rightly assess

How far from the truth that they’re apt to digress

‘Til their socialist system’s installed with success.

"How Do I Love Thee, Barack? Let Me Count the Ways"

(The Muse offers wholehearted apologies to Elizabeth Barrett Browning, whose poem can be read here.)

 

©  2009 by The Conservative Muse

 

How do I love thee?  Let me count the ways.

You tax the rich like modern Robin Hood,

To redistribute for the greater good.

You maketh me know how not-working pays.

 

I love with the ardor of the sun’s rays

That warmeth the globe, though less than man does.

Your cap and trade tax is blessed because

You’ll save mankind, thereby earning all praise.

 

I love thee for your generous essence.

We rejoice in future stimulus checks

And coupons for digital TV specs,

And cash to change light bulbs to fluorescents.

 

I love thee for social engineering.

Your sin tax and gas tax with larger goals

To moor your flock on collectivist shoals,

There our personal freedoms adhering.

 

I love thee for foreign humility.

You have seen the wisdom of prostration

Before crowds of European nation --

Your peaceful ways promise tranquility.

 

With concepts of “fairness” thou connect me;

for a level field I pledge last breath;

Thy nanny state shall always protect me

Yea, though I walk through the Valley of Death.

I love thee for universal health care;

For the Fiat of Obama Motors.

Your agenda is safe; no one will dare

Incur the wrath of us needy voters! 

 

Obama's Foreign Policy Linchpin Revealed: The Aflac Defense

© 2009 by The Conservative Muse

We’ll have to give goofy Joe Biden his due
For predicting that after Obama’s debut
Some nut would create a most dire provocation
To test The One’s foreign affairs inclination.
His response is no longer maintained in suspense:
Obama’s invoking the Aflac defense!

As anyone watching a TV would know
The firm known as “Aflac” pays millions to show
commercials that feature a white-feathered fowl
That quacks so annoyingly spectators howl
To change the darned channel or lower the sound –
But these ads and Barack are essentially bound….

‘Cause meantime nuke weapons are flourishing widely –
As Barack makes like Nero and fiddles so idly.
Those talks that were planned for disarming Iran?
They’re not very likely since Mullahs began
To beat those protesting against the election,
And The One has, at last, backed the failed insurrection.

Now insane Kim Jong Il’s pointing weapon-tipped rockets
to blackmail the West and to line his own pockets
while spreading his nuclear caches abroad,
where Middle East terrorists loudly applaud
Barack’s taking Israel firmly to task --
It’s exactly what groups like Hamas would’ve asked!

“Now Muse,” you might think, “this is quite a big stretch --
This Aflac-Obama link -- just to kvetch!”
But hear what we say, and you’ll see what we mean:
Barack’s foreign policy-making machine
Is committed to “talking” and, therefore, inaction;
(To these nuclear renegades’ great satisfaction!)
Now the mascot for Aflac gets into the action,
‘cause “Duck!” is Barack’s sole remaining reaction!