"Dear Big Government" - A Thank-You Note to the Nanny State

© 2009, by The Conservative Muse

Dear Big Government:

Obama's in charge!  There’s big change in the air!

“The Land of the Free” is now “Land of What’s Fair!”

We folks who aren’t wealthy can now rest assured,

Whatever our problem, you guys got it cured!

 

And I’ve got major trouble, I’m sure you’d agree:

I own an old-fashioned antenna TV!

This digital thing – all these months I ignored it;

I need that new box, but can hardly afford it.

  

So thanks for the coupon I got in the mail;

It’s the government’s job to make sure that you bail

Us Americans out of our lives’ ugly messes

Like our buying big homes with too tony addresses

 

That go way beyond our potential to pay.

We’re grateful to know that you’ll try to defray

Annoying expense like this mortgage-type debt;

How accountable, guys, do you want us to get?!

 

Like a shepherd protecting his innocent flock,

Your new leader – the charming, compelling Barack –

Is giving us Hope; we can’t say how we’re thrilled!

With goodness and wisdom our lives should be filled,

 

Like the knowledge of what kind of cars we should drive!

They’re so small that we’re thrilled just to still be alive

After bumping another car’s front or rear fender,

But we'll take the big risk to reach liberal splendor.

 

Your use of a tax is especially wise:

To make sure that your people don’t grow oversized

You’re putting a levy on soft drinks and grease;

May your efforts to help us live well never cease!

 

Your paternal concern knows no physical bounds:

We know you’re intent on controlling the sounds

From Rush Limbaugh and other conservative kinds

Lest they damage our health by infecting our minds!

 

So Big Government, please be so kind to take heed

Of the prayers of your voters so greatly in need.

Protect us from Evil of Corporate Greed.

Without your compassion we’ll never succeed!

 

Sincerely,

 

A Fan of Obama, Indeed!

The Muse Embarks on His Own 'Cap and Trade' System

© 2009, by The Conservative Muse

The Muse will admit to environment crimes:

To start, there’s a ton of hot air in his rhymes; 

Then he burns electricity at his computer

(while hoping its x-rays don’t make him a neuter);

With hurricane force his sick brain is a-storming;

Do you see?  He’s a maker of globalized warming!

To salve his green guilt libs invented a cure: 

A carbon use tax that the Muse would endure

To negate ill effects of his waxing poetic. 

But the Muse’s main business involves what’s aesthetic,

So he’s gone to great lengths to conceive and arrange

The “cultural cap-and-trade carbon exchange”!

To show how it works we’ll present this example:

Let’s say that the Muse has an urging to trample 

on socialist doctrine Obama’s avowed;

this means that a poet in China’s allowed

to plant rows of trees that eat carbon dioxide, 

or build dams with big lakes and desirable dockside.

There’s a real-life model for such innovation: 

A utility firm in a German location 

Paid money as “credits” of carbon to Asians

Who’re building a dam as a part of equations

To balance our earth-killing climate incursion -

As writ in the Gospel of Al – the Lib Version.

But alas, this assuager of liberal guilt 

Won’t offer much help in the efforts to tilt

The “climate change” war to a cooler direction –

These dams are built even without the collection

Of fees based on sheer scientific baloney: 

Net savings in carbon emissions are phony! 

Barack will subscribe to this spreading of wealth;

These cap and trade scams reach new summits of stealth

In transferring cash from the big corporations

To China and other “developing” nations.

The plan of the Muse for artistic relations

Is an upgrade in harebrained Kyoto gyrations!