Barack's "Get Out of Jail" Card Saves the Muse!

© 2009, by The Conservative Muse

The Muse loves his wife – they’ve been married for years –

But he recently couldn’t appreciate tears

That rolled down her cheeks for the length of the day

That saw the whole country so touchingly pay

Respects to our newest commander-in-chief

Who’s promised the world that we’ll turn a new leaf.

Although she had voted for John S. McCain,

the Muse’s stark apathy made her complain

that she felt he’d shortchanged this momentous occasion

of our first leader ever not being Caucasian!

(In making this claim one should be slightly hesitant,

‘Cause wasn’t Bill Clinton our first black-ish president?)

“It’s history-making, you know,” she cajoled,

“You claim you’re a poet – and yet you’re so cold!”

“But wait,” he replied, “you may find me abrasive,

but referring to ‘history’ isn’t persuasive

If your goal is to get me to wax so euphoric;

I’d remind you Pearl Harbor was also ‘historic’!” 

The Muse was aware that this ploy wouldn’t work;

He toyed with self-doubt: was he being a jerk

for obsessing on negative aspects of “Hope” --

that Barack represents that most slippery slope

To big government programs and leftist dominion,

with security sold for a “good” world opinion?

But just when the Muse to the dark side had drifted,

from out of his deepening funk he was lifted 

by a newsperson breathlessly breaking the story

that Barack, in his newly-elected full glory -

before the sad end of his very first day -

was closing the jail at Guantanamo Bay! 

Yes indeed, all those poor tortured souls that libs pity

Might be coming so soon to your very own city!

Or released to the cesspool of Middle East lands

Where they’ll get all their dirty Al Qaeda-linked hands 

Right back in the muck where we caught’em at first;

How great to see Gitmo injustice reversed!

Obama’s delivered the Muse his salvation,

A Gitmo-like “Get Out of Jail” invitation.

By feeding his party this chunk of red meat,

And confirming his place with the leftist elite

Barack has performed an impossible feat: 

Mrs. Muse thinks her husband is ever so sweet!

Just in time for the Inauguration: Those Wacky, Hypocritical Celebs!

© 2009, by The Conservative Muse

Remember the scene?  A young man and his girl

On the prow of the ship with the wind all aswirl; 

He hugs her, they’re smiling – it’s all so romantic;

It’s what you'd expect if you cross the Atlantic

By sailing on board a luxurious liner -- 

For working-class blokes can it get any finer? 

He shouts, “I’m the King of the World” to the sky,

And makes teenaged girls in the audience cry.

How tragic to know that a scene that’s so nice

Will soon be destroyed by some huge chunks of ice 

That probably melted way off in the Arctic.

We guess this encounter was highly cathartic

For Leo DiCaprio, King of Titanic, 

Who thinks that the world should set off in a panic

To stop global warming from wreaking more harm

Than hitting his boat with a ten-bell alarm!

Although he became a legitimate actor,

It’s hard to ignore the hypocrisy factor

Of Leo’s campaign to reduce all consumption – 

From Hollywood types it’s the height of presumption! 

Just look at Babs Streisand, who lately observed

That water and energy must be conserved

To stave off the crisis of warming we’ve made;

For curbing our usage she’s on a crusade.

We guess from these strictures she’s gotten a pardon:

She spends twenty grand just to water her garden!

There’s Jennifer Lopez, George Clooney, Brad Pitt,

and Julia Roberts who love to admit

they drive hybrid cars for the mileage they’ll get,

then ruin it all in their own private jet

by flying around to their next destination

and spewing out carbon without limitation!

Is anything dumber than mounting a show

Like “Live Earth,” with rock stars who’d like to bestow 

Advice on the right and the “green” way to live? 

It’s like they would think Barry Bonds ought to give

A course on avoiding steroidal enhancement!

There’s only one concept that’s gaining advancement: 

These models of excess and wasteful pursuit

Are qualified best to pretend that they’re mute!

These two-faced celebs are all lefty-inclined

And anxious to spread their political mind.

Some play politicians on screen or TV;

They act like their name being on the marquee

Confirms their belief in their higher mentality;

They’ve lost the distinction twixt play and reality!

Now they’re all gearing up for Barack’s coronation;

Not since Bill was the Prez have they felt such elation!

But once the chief source of their angst bids adieu

What’re wackos like Oliver Stone gonna do?
With Obama we know that this much will be true:

They’ll coddle him, soft, ‘til his tenure is through!

Ziggy speaks! A tribute to Zbigneiuve Zbransk…uh, Bzivengiu Brazinzki…uh, Zbignvieu Brzinezki….uh….

© 2009, by The Conservative Muse

The Muse has a favor to ask of his reader(s):

His works are distinguished by rhythm and meter(s), 

But he’s facing a troublesome problem this time -- 

His subject involves a most challenging rhyme.

With meekness that’s rarely employed by the Muse, 

He begs your permission in asking to use

Large lyrical license to help him create 

A tribute that's fitting for one who would rate

As biggest and brightest ‘mongst liberal sages,

A Polish-born dude making Democrat wages.

Can you tell who it is from this general hint-ski? 

It's that man we’ll refer to as Ziggy Brzezinski.

The Zigster advised the inept Jimmy Carter

On foreign affairs and still nurtures an ardor 

For causes chic lefties consider so hip – 

Like terrorists’ rights in the hot Gaza strip.

Ziggy says that the Jews can exert self-defense

As long as it’s in a “proportional” sense…

What’s scary is how this prized liberal brain

Reflects global thoughts of a similar vein. 

The socialist papers in Europe are yelling 

For Barack to step in with a policy telling

The world that we’re changing the Bushie devotion

to policies aimed at Israeli promotion. 

It’s sad that a Rasmussen poll has revealed

Most Democrats feel the Israelis now wield

Too heavy a sword ‘gainst Hamas gentle folk --

We guess, though their missiles might justly provoke

A smallish response - like a sortie or such -

Their clumsy bad aim lends a comical touch!  

We see Ziggy’s liberal impact in action

With his daughter, named Mika, a TV attraction

who displays her degree from the Nanny State school – 

opining New York’s tax on soft drinks is “cool.” 

Perhaps she’d allow us to make a “cool” mint-ski

And tax extra letters we find in “Brzezinski.” *

The Zigster’s new book quotes a survey that rates 

The Israelis, Iran, and the U.S. as states 

With greatest of evil intent in their soul. 

Should pleasing those polled be our ultimate goal?

Like Bubba risked trouble from bonking Lewinsky,

The Dems should beware if they’re heeding Brzezinski!

* - including “Zbigniew,” of course

As Inspirational Presidents Go, Barack's no Jimmy Carter!

© 2008, by The Conservative Muse

The Office of President offers unique

Occasions to gauge how our leaders can speak.

Poor Bush was a malaprop, giving us laughs;

His legacy’s sure to be filled with these gaffes.

But now, from The One comes this chapter and verse:

Hold onto your asses, “it’s gonna get worse!”

Now wait just a minute!  This can’t be the guy

Full of “hope,” pushing “change,” self-assuredly high!

We expect all the verve of the young JFK; 

(At least ‘fore his sex drive got into the way);

We need a bright path through our thick fiscal haze,

Instead we get less than J. Carter’s “Malaise”!

Of course we conservatives know that he’s right;

His cabinet choices provide quite a fright:

Tom Daschle will promise Canadian Care;

Steve Chu’s a big warming alarmist who’d dare

Raise prices of gas to five dollars or more -- 

And then there’s all those with strong union rapport.

Remember when Bush said to “Go out and spend”?

With elitist full force did the left condescend!

Now Barack’s on the line as he lowers the bar

Lest brutal reality tarnish his star.

When Barney Frank’s helping GM build a car,

We fear Barack’s claim understates it by far!