"Dear Landlord" - An Open Letter to Big Government

© 2009, by The Conservative Muse

Dear Big Government,

Wow!

It’s been just a year since The One was elected

And your socialist progress is more than expected!

Your plans for GM and for Chrysler are swell,

And now it turns out you’re our landlord, as well!

Remember way back when you made us that loan,

With that shark-skin-suit broker who reeked of cologne,

Who bullied us silly until we had signed

Those papers that soon were to rob us both blind?

You’ll recall that our payments became kind of late,

So you now own our house, and we think that’s just great!

We’ve made up a “honey-do” list, as it were,

Since there’s lots of repairs that we’ve had to defer:

There’s drips in the ceiling, and gaps in the doors;

There’s droppings from mice in our silverware drawers.

Our son tried to flush his new train set’s caboose,

Now the toilet backs up and the fittings are loose.

The hot water’s cold – if there’s water at all;

There’s sparks from the ceiling lamps down the back hall.

The wood’s rotted out underneath all the eaves,

And the yard is knee-deep with a shitload of leaves!

There must be a czar I can call to complain,

-- perhaps in a “Bureau of Homes to Maintain”?

After all, there are surely tons more of us saps

That got swamped by these loans in the housing collapse!

We promise it’s not our intention to whine;

For example, our clunker-bought car is just fine!

(Except that the cost of insurance is higher,

And…whoops! There I go again… call me a liar!)

So I’ll finish this letter by lavishly praising

The things that you’ve done that are truly amazing:

You own banks and those cars, and you want to provide

The centralized health care that Canada’s tried,

Which is good since I’ve got this strange pain in my side…

Our lives will be easier once we’ve relied

On Obama’s Big Government being our guide!

Sincerely,

Your Comrade in Socialist Pride!