An Open Letter to Tom Friedman, Maureen Dowd, and Jimmy Carter

© 2009 by The Conservative Muse

So we went on vacation, attempting to chill;

De-stressing in France was a really big thrill.

We’d sworn off caffeine – hadn’t even a cup –

But then all you guys shot our blood pressure up!

We’d hoped that our tour would provide insulation

From news of the States that might cause aggravation.

But overseas outlets, against our own wills,

Overwhelmed us with quotes from you liberal shills.

Let’s see if we’ve got these absurdities straight:

Obama’s a “centrist,” claims Thomas the Great;

While Jimmy and Dowd join the “racist” refrain –

No serious person could really disdain

The “erudite” “elegance” shown by The One;

It’s “lunacy” if we oppose what’s He’s done!

We know we’re less bright than a liberal mind,

But these facts should make clear how He ought be defined:

In 2001, on an NPR show,

He gushed with a redistributionist glow.

Now he’s promised his partisan unionist crew

There’ll be socialized health care before he’s all through.

There’s a lot of our business that government owns,

Plus they’ve subsidized cars and the purchase of homes.

Yet you’re calling him “centrist”?! Please tell us all how….

He’s just to the right of that great Chairman Mao!

His "erudite elegance" proves to you why

One must be a racist to shout out “You Lie!”

We admit that this outburst could use some reviewing,

But what if that’s just what The One has been doing?

He says that his health reforms aren’t socialistic,

That projections of “savings” are quite realistic;

Like he said he’d not want a new CIA probe,

And cap and trade’s going to save our poor globe.

What’s worse than these li…uh…fibs… is the demonization

Of all those opposing his plans for the nation.

Ask those guys at Humana, still drained from their fight:

Don’t mess with The One -- even if you are right!

It’s strange how you libs won’t pay proper attention

to these blatant attempts at suppressing dissension.

We guess it’s OK ‘cause He’s got "erudition,"

Your "elegant" Prez on his socialist mission!

We know you all hold an exalted position

As pundits of lefty, elitist tradition.

But your absolute love for this one politician

Imbues us with fear for your mental condition!