The Muse Predicts the Scariest Horror Sequel Ever!

© 2009, by The Conservative Muse

The Muse is an icon of taste and gentility,

A role he accepts with the utmost humility.

Besides being skilled as a right-winging bard,

He holds works of culture in highest regard.

Of music and art he’s a fervent adorer --

But he guiltily loves that film genre called “horror.”

There’s Frankenstein, Dracula, Wolf Man, The Mummy ---

All creatures with whom the Boy Muse had got chummy.

His innocent mind was both tortured and thrilled

when a hideous fiend, even though he was killed,

would return from the dead in a new incarnation --

the concept of “sequel” was given creation!

There’s “Son of…” and “Bride of…” and even a “Ghost of”….

It’s Hollywood’s way of finessing the most of

A movie idea that really does work!

We’re amused to see studio heads go berserk,

Rehashing old plots to ensure flow of cash

Before the hot franchise can wear out and crash.

But these monsters can’t just undergo resurrection:

They need to come back with more vicious intention.

To keep modern horror freaks hungry for more,

The producers keep upping the carnage and gore.

(and sadly, the “Son of…” and “Bride of…” we knew,

Are replaced by mere numbers, like “Troll” and “Troll 2”.)

“Halloween,” “Friday”s Jason, and chainsaws in Texas

Are likely to show someone’s doomed solar plexus

Getting split in a bloodbath of graphic portrayal

Lest producers commit the most fatal betrayal

Of their fans by not meeting a gross-out potential;

A high body count is now genre-essential!

But now there’s a sequel in full preproduction,

That promises scenes of prodigious destruction

to make all the carnage of splatter films seem

Like innocent stuff of a Dr. Seuss theme.

So prepare yourselves well for the ghastly extreme

Of “Stimulus 2 – Barack’s Socialist Dream!”