"Dear Big Government: Thanks for the Car!"

© 2009, by The Conservative Muse


Dear Big Government,

You did it again! I can hardly believe it!
Or did I hear incorrectly, perhaps misconceive it?
Is it really the truth that midst all your largesse
You'll help us resolve all our auto distress
By giving us thousands for making new deals
To put us in high-class and flashy new wheels?

Your immense generosity makes us so thankful
We’ll whisper “Barack” when we buy every tankful
Which we won’t do so often since all our new rides
Are small and efficient and green-ish, besides.
Since our mileage-per-gallon is higher than ever
We can grab our new cars and go driving forever!

I want you to know, while I’m grateful a lot,
I’m recalling the loan that I recently got
from that lender that sounds like it's somebody’s granny --
what’s the name? Can’t remember…it’s something like “Fannie”…

But that loan didn’t go the way anyone planned;
Who’da thought that some big shot would make a demand
That I make monthly payments or lose the darned house?
This caused quite a row between me and the spouse!

So I’m sure for my car I’ll get nice, easy credit
(my personal statement I’m willing to edit)
and you’ll give me protection from frivolous troubles
Like having to pay for insurance that doubles,
Or personal property tax that’s increased
Once my clunker’s recorded as being deceased.

You’re the greatest Big Government ever in history!
(Though how you afford all these gifts is a mystery)
and soon for good health we can all rest assured --
through government programs we’ll all be insured!

But I think what’s your greatest commendable trait
Is you’re equally kind to the small and the great:
You got GM and Chrysler and banks who await
Your wisdom - and cash - that will set them all straight.
When we’re all so dependent on you for our fate,
There’s no end to the empire you’re gonna create!

Yours truly,
A fan of Barack’s welfare state!