A Liberal Manifesto

© 2009, by The Conservative Muse

 

Somewhere in this bizarre world, a “liberal muse” is at work.

We suspect he’d say something like this:

 

“It’s not like I asked for this talent, you know --

this brilliance of intellect, brightly aglow.

But having this gift is a way to explain

Just why I’m a lib: it befits my big brain!

 

“As a group we look down with a pitiful scorn

At conservative people unluckily born

Into “red state” mentalities, featuring thought

Of “family values” so mindlessly taught

 

“By ignorant parents to innocent kids

In ways that a liberal system forbids.

With such naivete was our nation infected;

how else to explain how George Bush was elected?

 

“But now we’ve got thoughtful Barack at the helm

To help usher in an intelligent realm

with fairness abounding in actions domestically

and foreign humility reigning majestically.

 

“He’s opened our playbook of Gitmo activity

To show all our enemies tortured captivity.

While some detainees may have sawn off some heads,

we can’t be allowed to put bugs in their beds

 

“and claim that we’re people of high moral ground.

We need to fight wars with one hand firmly bound

Behind us, obeying an unwritten rule,

And prosecute Bushies for being so cruel!

 

“And yet our Great Leader right-wingers assail!

(We doubt that they would if Obama were pale).

They’re urged by extremists on radio shows

To act how they otherwise couldn’t suppose

 

“Like holding those “tea parties” griping ‘bout taxes;

Don’t they know Barack’s boys have been swinging big axes

To cut their tax burdens by hundreds per year?

They’re so dumb that they don’t even know when to cheer!

 

“They’ve got Limbaugh, O’Reilly, and Hannity, too,

Putting thoughts in the heads of their sycophant crew.

But we’ve got Keith Olbermann – need we say more?

His self-assured smirk oozes knowledge galore!

 

“For proving a lib’s a superior being

You’ll note that the Hollywood crowd is agreeing

With all that we say, and the need for a stand

‘gainst the racist and redneck Conservative brand.

 

“Barack is intent on creating an Eden

that’s based on the model of socialist Sweden.

It’s just what we liberal Democrats crave:

Big government coddling from cradle to grave.

The duty to care for ourselves we can waive --

It’s the way that all civilized nations behave!”