Five Bold Predictions for 2009

© 2008, by The Conservative Muse

‘Tis the day after Christmas, the Muse is depressed

By big government programs we’re asked to digest.

Through the fog of despair this bright light he’ll dare shine:

Here’s Five Bold Predictions for Two-Thousand-Nine!

1. This winter shapes up to be cold beyond reason;

Even polar bears plan to head south for the season.

At highest of rates Arctic ice will be forming;

Al Gore will say, “See – all this proves global warming.”

2. The Clintons are likely in States of Denial;

Surviving Hill’s loss is one heckuva trial.

As surely as Bubba’s no Arkansas resident,

His wife will refer to herself as “The President.”

3. Chris Mathews feels “tingles” when hearing The One;

Harry Reid smells foul tourists he’d much rather shun.

They’ll both share a room in a hospital dorm

To restore sensitivities back to the norm.

4. She’s been lewdly roughed up by voracious abusers;

Her fortune’s been stolen by Democrat schmoozers.

To regain her good name, set her life back on track,

Fannie Mae will be forced to betroth Freddie Mac.

5. All sporting events will end up in a tie;

All kids will get grades that are equally high;

The sick will get well while the hardy lose health;

It’s Obama’s big plan for the spreading of wealth!

Disclaimer:

The Muse is no prophet; don’t bet on this stuff.

It’s writ for amusement in times that are rough.

For risk-taking types who get thrills when it’s tough,

Electing Obama is dicey enough!

The Muse Confesses: "I Want to be Arrested!"

© 2008, by The Conservative Muse

Like mortals, the Muse wants financial security,

But he’s not gonna get it accepting obscurity.

So he’ll garner some fame through a tactic well-tested:

The Muse will conspire to be boldly arrested.

But not the way O. J. went into the can –

Those crimes aren’t befitting our poetry man.

To fulfill his high purpose there’s no better way

Than by picking a fight with the U. S. of A.

He’ll grow a long beard, don a white, flowing robe,

Like Muslim fanatics all over the globe.

He’ll shoot off a weapon, then beg for a stay

With those icons of chic at Guantanamo Bay.

According to libs, these poor terrorist dudes,

The victims of U. S. imperial feuds,

Are talented poets whose works are so prized

Libs had them all published to keep us advised

Of how we Americans practice such evil,

Subjecting these victims to years of upheaval.

Even Seton Hall Law School held sit-ins to read

These sensitive words that give hearts cause to bleed!

The Muse won’t upset any terrorist faction;

He just wants a chance to get in on the action.

His writing’s okay, and there’s this observation:

He does it in English – no need for translation!

And once he’s let go there’s no need to have qualms

‘bout the Muse killing people with suicide bombs

like Abdullah Al-Ajmi, a famed Gitmo writer

who, on his release, reappeared as a fighter.  

But liberal lawyers would like to set free

Each guilty, or innocent, sad detainee.

To people like this the Muse tenders this plea:
“At least wait ‘til my story’s been made for TV!”

The Muse Takes a Socialist Road Trip

© 2008, by The Conservative Muse 

Remember how lefty elitists all sneered

When conservatives spoke of how greatly they feared

The centralized planning Barack and his crowd

Would shove through the Congress, no protest allowed.

So let’s hop in our hybrid and take a short ride

To check out the depth of the coming Red Tide.

 

We’ll start in Chicago; ‘fore hitting the road,

We’ll stop for some cash from an ATM lode,

But our options are fewer since efforts were made

To impinge on the Bank of America’s trade.

Like the government dictated Fannie Mae’s terms,

It wants B of A to fund bankrupted firms!

 

A window and door manufacturing plant

Had gone belly up when, with income so scant,

their credit facility wasn’t extended.

For workers laid off, pols were acting offended!

By the time Rod Blagojevich jumped on the scene,

The “cause” was mere grist for their PR machine.

 

We continue on down to that blighted Detroit,

Whose winless pro football team’s near as adroit

As the vaunted Big Three, those old monoliths seeking

A ton of our money while we’re all critiquing

Just where it’s all going, and why in the hell

It’ll cause an increase in the cars that they sell.

 

The Dems are all focused on taking the wheel

From auto execs with the bailout (raw) deal.

Libs know the right cars that these guys should produce:

They’re small and they’re “green,” and they’ll run on the juice

From switchgrass or corn in a mixture that’s brewed

As alternative fuels to Arabian crude.

 

Our trip’s left us groggy and feeling quite gross;

We’re in Massachusetts in need of a dose

Of health care provided by state funded clinics.

We’ll wait for long hours with some fast-growing cynics,

Those patients to whom it’s abundantly clear:

That fabled Canadian health system’s here!

 

He’s not been sworn in, but Barack’s left a trace

Of collectivist thinking all over the place.

With Nancy and Barney and Chris and Sir Harry,

Its time for big government fans to be merry!

From dense inner city to isolate prairie,

Implications for personal freedoms are scary!

 

The Newest Colossus: Harry Reid's Tribute to the Lower Classes

© 2008, by The Conservative Muse

With sincere apologies to Emma Lazarus, whose poem,

“The New Colossus,” is inscribed at the base of the Statue of

Liberty and serves as the template for the following):

Not like that lady of Ellis Isle fame

Whose glowing torch beckons to U.S. lands,

The Capitol Visitors Center stands

To herd those common folk without a name

Away from Congress royals to that shame

Of colossal waste by government hands:

Like gas from blowhard lawmakers expands,

Its budget tripled with none to take blame.

 

This welcome message does the Center tell:

“Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled mass

of sweating tourists stinking to high hell,

your wretched refuse of the middle class

Offending Harry Reid’s keen sense of smell.

We grant you entry, not rights to harass

The lords at work for whom you voted well.”

NBC Gets "Green"; We Get Nauseous!

© 2008, by The Conservative Muse

Who’da guessed that the Muppet named Kermit the Frog

Would foretell TV themes when he sat on his log

Some decades ago and performed the routine

‘Bout life being tough when one has to be green.

NBC’s resurrected that soulful lament

By staging an annual Green Week event.

When we think “NBC” we’re inclined to be ill;

Their slant makes us queasy – or green, if you will. 

Their "expert" Anne Thompson has swallowed the line

from environment wackos who try to define

global warming as "settled," no longer in question,

a claim to cause scientists huge indigestion.

The “Today” show dispatched poor Ann Curry to scale

Mount Kilimanjaro and try to impale

Our collectivist guilt with a climate change spear,

and justify carbon-use taxes through fear.

How strange that the job had a premature cutoff

When bitterest cold almost froze Ann’s sweet butt off! 

Tom Brokaw revealed he’s a biased performer

By calling Bill Ayers a teaching “reformer” --

It’s like saying Saddam was a builder of palaces.

From stroking Obama, Tom’s hands must have callouses! 

We have to admit that we’re pretty darned jealous;

We’re green with an envy for treatment so zealous.

But the ultimate green from the network we’ll see

Is from profits achieved by its owner, GE. 

Of course we’re free enterprise folks to the core,

But we’re slightly put off using networks to score

Congressional mandates to sell out the store 

Of fluorescent "green" light bulbs, wind turbines, and more, 

As weapons of use in the climate change “war.”

The scam behind Green Week costs billions galore!