A Letter to My (White) Grandmother

© 2008, by The Conservative Muse

Dear (White) Grandma,

You may be aware if you’re watching the news,

I’ve been in some places as hot as the pews

When Pastor Wright’s ranting a racialist sermon.

I was in the Mid-East on a trip to determine

My praise-worthy judgment in foreign affairs:

In the land of bazaars I displayed all my wares!

You know how I’ve always held firm in my stance

Success of The Surge would have less of a chance 

Than Democrats voting to drill for more oil! 

But darned if results didn’t work out to spoil

the theory I’ve held to through thick and through thin:

I’ll need fancy footwork and lots of good spin!

I’ll say I was right, though I clearly was wrong –

who knew all those tribes would’ve gotten along?

I met with Petraeus; I thought that he might

Enjoy getting tips on the best way to fight.

I counseled al-Maliki what should be done – 

This acting like President surely is fun!

The media love me – that’s patently true… 

and socialist  Europe swoons over me, too.

They like that I’m promising “fairness” for all

And bashing the U. S. to crowds I enthrall.

When Reagan was there he just tore down the Wall;

My future successes will make him look small!

Fondly,

Your humble grandson,

Barack

Obama Gets 'Stoned'

© 2008, by The Conservative Muse

“…But the thrill we've never known

Is the thrill that'll get you

when you get your picture

On the cover of the Rolling Stone.”

From “Cover of the Rolling Stone,” 

by Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show

Lyric by Shel Silverstein

Recall when barrack won the Dems’ nomination, 

His speech of acceptance caused quite the sensation

By setting some goals that he claims he’ll fulfill: 

“Good jobs for the jobless,” and “care for the ill;”

“Stop oceans from rising” (as if we began it),

And take mighty steps toward “healing the planet.”

This modest pronouncement of godlike capacity

Has righties aghast at his frightful audacity

And caused every right-winging talk-show pariah

To claim that he’s earned the new nickname -- “Messiah.”

But even that honor procures second place 

To The Rolling Stone cover displaying his face! 

That rag’s known to push for the Dems’ nominee,

But this cover’s unique to a major degree,

Cause nary a word or a caption appears – 

There’s naught but Barack and his over-large ears,

As if the mere sight of His Goodness suffices

To neutralize all of the Bush-Cheney vices.

He’s smiling yet humble, it’s all so engaging – 

But it’s easy to see what the lefties are staging:

They’re getting us prepped for his sure coronation!

The libs make him out as our needed salvation,

But the silent Stone cover’s a good intimation

That His actual words won’t provide revelation! 

Libs Love High Gas Prices

© 2008, by The Conservative Muse

The lefty elites are in heaven these days,

High gas prices please them in so many ways.

While hurting most folks with their household finances, 

This crisis gives liberals plenty of chances 

To manage our days to the tiniest letter, 

Conforming our lifestyles to ways they know better!

From southernmost Texas to northern Dakotas,

Elites wanna see us in hybrid Toyotas,

Or Smart Cars or Yugos -- or mass transportation.

Though use of these products fills libs with elation

they won’t be content ‘til our cars are all junked, 

And internal combustion equipment’s defunct. 

The sights of some strip malls or tract housing ventures

set high-minded lefties to gnashing their dentures! 

As if it’s their business where others reside,

Our sprawl to the suburbs they’ve always decried.

They hope that if folks can’t afford the long drive

They’ll move back to the cities, and cause them to thrive!

Libs love urban life ‘cause it gives folks “community” --

We guess that suburbanites lack opportunity

To form such a bond with their bourgeoisie neighbors, 

Who may live where they do ‘cause their salaried labors

Earn too little income to buy pricey houses

In spots where a snobby elitist espouses!

So where does Obama fit into this scheme?

Though he wishes they’d risen in steps less extreme,

Barack said he’s fine with high prices of fuel;

for lefty agendas they’re quite a good tool. 

We’re hoping this posture has impact so cruel

On liberal hopes in the upcoming duel!