Obama In Wonderland

© 2008, by The Conservative Muse

We have to admire all the ways Lewis Carroll

Depicted way back a great modern-day peril.

His Alice in Wonderland painted a world

Where logic is turned on its head and then hurled 

In public debate as if madness were sanity,

And truth were perceived as a dreadful profanity. 

It’s a world full of nonsense, red queens, and white rabbits

-- that irrational space that Obama inhabits. 

Barack gave a speech that embraced global warming:

He claims with the science he’s wholly conforming

And GOP types are the only deniers: 

we guess all those scientists rate as big liars

who’ve signed a petition debunking the theory; 

there’s thirty one thousand and more who’re leery

of Al Gore’s false premise; but facts just don’t matter –

Barack’s standing firm; he’s as mad as a Hatter!

Compounding the folly, he uses this twaddle 

As grounds for an energy policy model 

To trade carbon credits in efforts to make

A polar bear somewhere less likely to bake!

Though climate change issues are quite problematic

There’s something we’ll offer whose truth is emphatic:

This bureaucrats’ nightmare will set our heads spinning,

While Barack has a smile like the Chesire Cat’s grinning.

Debating the source of high gas prices shows

How far into “crazy” his politics goes.

He says we can’t drill our way out of this mess 

while Dems and enviros have caused this distress:

They’ve blocked new refining and drilling for ages

yet their guilt never seems to have hit the front pages. 

It’s wrong to enlarge our supply?  Is he joking?!

Like the Wonderland larva,*  there’s something he’s smoking!

Instead, he’ll tax “windfalls” of hated Big Oil,

Directing those funds to “green” firms who will toil

in efforts the government deems to be fitting; 

there’s one-fifty billion he’s bent on committing!

We guess private enterprise hasn’t a part

When governing bodies have such a big heart.

To libs like Obama this thought we’d impart:

In Alice’s world they consider this “smart”!

* - technically, “caterpillar,” but the word is unusable within rhythm of the poem

"Our Father, who art Barack..."

© 2008, by The Conservative Muse

This past Father’s Day was that rarest of times;

We know that Barack so infrequently climbs

To heights of approval in our estimation --

But that’s what we saw during Dads’ celebration.

And yet full disclosure is needed to show

The Muse’s ulterior motive is low:

Obama’s big government plan has selected

The Muse for a payday he never expected!

Barack had delivered a scolding address

To urge young black fathers to try to possess

The traits of those praiseworthy men who aspire

To love and support all the children they sire.

(What courage it takes to describe in detail

what got poor Bill Cosby run out on a rail!)

So far it sounds good -- but then here comes the kicker

That shows that the socialist sludge runs much thicker

Throughout Barack’s brain than the oil of good sense;

If these fathers are “good” then he’ll pay their expense

Of training and day care and all those cool things

benevolent government oversight brings!

This concept should drive all Americans mad --

To finance a father to be a good Dad!

The Muse would point out he’s got several kids;

He’s given support, and he’s not hit the skids.

He’s met all the standards Obama expects;

Should he not be receiving some government checks?

Such subsidies rightly have gained notoriety

as Democrats’ efforts to structure society.

How next will they pry in our personal lives?

A tax on adulterous husbands and wives?

The bureaucrats’ nightmarish Nanny State thrives

When a liberal President’s tenure arrives.

The Ballad of Billary

© 2005, by The Conservative Muse

BILL:

Bill won with the cry, “The economy stupid,”

yet almost lost all by submitting to Cupid.

He cast lustful eyes in directions askew,

to Paula and Monica, just to name two. 

He got into trouble in many respects – 

while teaching our children about oral sex

he lied, though to testify truly he swore, 

then left a conundrum for us to explore: 

We got the best scholars and top legal whizzes

but still can’t find out what the meaning of “is” is.  

The Dems call his tenure a Halcyon Age –

That view of the past needs to turn a new page!

He prospered with luck from the internet bubble,

But left his successor a market in trouble.

And under his aegis an open wound festered,

A trifle about which he couldn’t be pestered:

When Middle East thugs tried to bloody our noses, 

He shied from the fight such a conflict imposes.

From taunts by Saddam to Somalian slaying,

His week-kneed responses had radicals saying,

“When faced with despotic and terrorist duels,

he’ll play by the Marquis of Queensberry rules.”

Bin Laden and friends thought we’re cowardly fools

While Bill stayed obsessed with the family jewels.

HILL:

It’s clear that Hill saw from her perch as First Wife,

She liked all the perks of political life.

Her leftist agenda was largely undone,

And running for Senator sounded like fun.

But right off the bat a big problem arose:

Which state in the union endures the most woes,

And needs the most help from her dazzling mind?

Where else but New York, which has lots of her kind

Of liberal voters that formed the last straw

To make her forget about poor Arkansas.

She bought a big house to establish a residence –

We hear she explicitly banned all ex-presidents.

She made tons of pledges and piled up big debts;

She learned to distinguish the Yankees from Mets.

She swept into office and libs think she’s great:

They’re pushing the White House in two thousand eight.

She’s moved in upstate while Bill’s officed in Harlem,

Where trivial marital vows won’t ensnarl ‘em.

From separate bases it’s easy to pillage: 

To supervise both of them will take a village!

As Monica’s dress bears the stain of Bill’s spillage, 

The state of New York will be scarred by their tillage.

Keith Goes Off the Edge

© 2008, by The Conservative Muse

MSNBC has a boatload of shows
With ratings so dismal that nobody knows
The depth of the bias of one of their hosts:
The network must savor his Bush-bashing roasts;
It acts like there’s public demand to unsheath
The rapier wit of its anchor named Keith.

That’s Keith, as in Olbermann, trying to see
How clever and glib a far-lefty can be.
With smugness befitting a person who feels
He’s cornered the market on giving droll spiels,
His face now shows up on some football shows, too,
Where Bob Costas is part of his sycophant crew.

He suffers from high anti-Bushie fixation;
Scott McClellan’s an object of Keith’s adulation.
He calls Bush a fascist, screams “Shut the hell up!”
Neither goodness nor mercy o’er-runneth his cup.

He daily picks out the “Worst Man in the World,”
While letting his liberal flag come unfurled:
Rightwingers are chosen at rates that are highest,
And yet – is he crazy? – he claims he’s not biased!

It’s hard to be witty when anger supplants
A turn of a phrase with irrational rants.
Objectivity’s dead – and we’d like to bequeath
These words to be writ on the funeral wreath:
A whole lot of people can huddle beneath
The ego of far-leftist anchorman Keith.