An "Inconvenient" Unintended Consequence

© 2008, by The Conservative Muse

“We libs are in love with new biofuels science – 

The green way to end our Mideastern reliance.

It’s eco-responsible down to its core;

It pleases Chief Warming Alarmist Al Gore.

“That means that we’re pushing this ethanol boom

To stave off the oncoming climate change doom.

Now what can be greater than saving the planet?

A nobler cause can’t exist – or, then, can it?

“‘Cause something’s disturbing my generous soul:

There’s indigent folks who can’t pay for a bowl

Of rice or of anything made out of corn;

From such good intentions a monster’s been born!

“We wanted to dedicate all of that land

To growing more corn to meet heightened demand.

From pure market forces we acted aloof;

Now prices have shot through the poverty roof!

“Some claim we’ve abused these poor countries before

By slamming an anti-development door.

But we can’t let these third world societies gain

The means to make carbon exhausts go insane!

“‘Twixt earth and the poor is a tough choice to make;

it makes our big liberal hearts start to ache.   

With sadness we vote for the Big Picture’s sake;

As someone once said,  ‘Let the peasants eat cake!’”

The Washington Hill-Bill-ies

© 2008, by The Conservative Muse

(sung to the tune of “The Beverly Hillbillies”)

Come and listen to a story about a man named Bill,

the ex-President with a woman known as Hill.

Made some dough while the White House grounds he strode -- 

it’s when he left the office that he hit the motherlode…

(Hundred mill…. Seven years…who needs oil?!)

When Bill’s term was up, they moved up to New York

where Hillary as Senator was dishing out the pork. 

For Democratic policies she’s serving up a pitch,

like war between the classes and the taxing of the rich.

(Running for prez… same ol’ lib …)   

Now Bill likes to point to his ever-growing wealth –

at half a mil per speech some might say it’s got by stealth.

They’ve written off ten million as a gift to charity 

to fund their own foundations – that’s some tax dexterity! 

(Big hearts?…. Big egos!…  big time!)

Now we’re not ones to gripe cause someone’s made a pile;

our faith in the free market grows stronger all the while.

But Hill and Bill are proving that it’s sad but true – alas! - 

In comparison Jed Clampett’s the epitome of class!

(Honesty…  humility….  From Jed, that is!  

Y’all stay away now, you hear?)

The King of Malaise

© 2007, by The Conservative Muse

Imagine you’re President, leading the nation,

When Muslims are rising in hot indignation

And knocking the Shah of Iran off his station;

Your policy‘s marked by extreme trepidation.

Your name’s Jimmy Carter, you’re lost in a haze.

You’ll earn a new nickname -- the King of Malaise.

Back home, your society’s mired in stagnation;

You think that it’s best to effect transformation 

By blaming the slump on the whole population.

You wonder what caused all this deep consternation;

You call it “a crisis of confidence” phase; 

You’re blind to your role in creating “Malaise.” 

Imagine that throughout your White House duration

Your timid responses have caused degradation

to foreigners’ views of the strength of our nation. 

You’d think that you’d have a profound reservation

accepting a Peace Prize they gave for your days 

as a diplomat spent in incompetent ways.

You go overseas and express agitation

That tax cuts Bush passed were unjust legislation

 (as if you possessed any fiscal foundation);

and Congress was wrong in its war affirmation. 

In spite of yourself, you’ll not cease to amaze: 

You’ll dump on your country; the Euros you’ll praise!

You view from on high the Mideast situation

With pro-Palestinian orientation; 

From vile anti-Semites you’ve taken donation;

You’ll sell your espousal with no hesitation. 

You’re “kindly” and “wise” (as the press so portrays); 

On people’s good nature your treachery preys.

For leftist approval you’re making big plays.

We wish you’d retire, you King of Malaise! 

The Business Libs Love to Hate

© 2008, by The Conservative Muse

The libs are upset, they’ve got blood in their eye

‘Cause corporate profits are zooming sky-high

from businesses built to refine and supply

a product whose value libs like to deny.

What culprits raise Democrats’ fever to “Broil”? 

Those villainous folks that are known as Big Oil!

They called CEOs to the Congress to hear

Their justifications of earnings so dear;

Should other big lucrative businesses fear

That in front of this panel they’ll have to appear?

Dems treat’em like criminals, trying to soil

What’s left of the good in the name of Big Oil.

Libs protest these profits in manner quite shrill,

Forgetting they’ve partnered in filling the till:

Dems know we need oil but they won’t let us drill!

We guess they’d build roads that go only downhill

To maximize miles-per-gallon and foil 

The evil designs of the men from Big Oil. 

They’ll hitch up our autos to teams of large horses --

Or other alternative energy sources --

Those “green” kinds that Hill or Obama endorses,

Ignoring the negative marketplace forces 

Condemning these ventures as mere fruitless toil; 

It’s plain economics that’s pushing Big Oil.

While Dems say they feel for our “pain” at the pump,

Their federal levies comprise a big lump

Of prices-per-gallon, which surely will jump

If taxes on profits should get a big bump.

They’re causing a pain in our butts that is royal,

To both us consumers and evil Big Oil!