Chris Falls In Love

© 2008, by The Conservative Muse

It’s truly amazing how large is the trade

For product that’s quaintly called “marital aid.”

There’s movies and oils, sexy clothing, and such; 

These things make us blush, but we do know this much:

To get in the mood for erotic, hot fun,

There’s naught like a speech from Obama, The One.

It’ll cause a big thrill to run upside your leg; 

Your mind will be blown as you slobber and beg

To hear even more of his gifted oration;

Endorphins will gush in a flood of sensation!

You’ll hallucinate visions of Lincoln, and then, 

once you’re spent, you’ll demand it again and again!

This orgasmic reaction’s been finely portrayed

by NBC’s newsman Chris Matthews, who brayed

like Barack was so great the mere sound of His voice

convinced him The One was the optimal choice!

With stars in his eyes, and a cramp in his brain,

Chris pledged all his efforts to help with His reign!

Well gee, pardon us, but we always believed 

The job of a journalist wasn’t conceived

To run all the cheers for particular leaders

and sway the opinions of viewers or readers.

We guess we’re naïve in expressing the views

That newsmen should stick to reporting the news.

The Muse wouldn’t ever restrict one’s free speech

Or muzzle Chris Matthews’ annoying raw screech.

If MSNBC wants to go on and spew

Its orthodox liberal policy brew, 

At least they should say that they’re bidding adieu

To objective reporting – and principles, too!