Chris Falls In Love

© 2008, by The Conservative Muse

It’s truly amazing how large is the trade

For product that’s quaintly called “marital aid.”

There’s movies and oils, sexy clothing, and such; 

These things make us blush, but we do know this much:

To get in the mood for erotic, hot fun,

There’s naught like a speech from Obama, The One.

It’ll cause a big thrill to run upside your leg; 

Your mind will be blown as you slobber and beg

To hear even more of his gifted oration;

Endorphins will gush in a flood of sensation!

You’ll hallucinate visions of Lincoln, and then, 

once you’re spent, you’ll demand it again and again!

This orgasmic reaction’s been finely portrayed

by NBC’s newsman Chris Matthews, who brayed

like Barack was so great the mere sound of His voice

convinced him The One was the optimal choice!

With stars in his eyes, and a cramp in his brain,

Chris pledged all his efforts to help with His reign!

Well gee, pardon us, but we always believed 

The job of a journalist wasn’t conceived

To run all the cheers for particular leaders

and sway the opinions of viewers or readers.

We guess we’re naïve in expressing the views

That newsmen should stick to reporting the news.

The Muse wouldn’t ever restrict one’s free speech

Or muzzle Chris Matthews’ annoying raw screech.

If MSNBC wants to go on and spew

Its orthodox liberal policy brew, 

At least they should say that they’re bidding adieu

To objective reporting – and principles, too!

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The Dems Get a Spokesman!

© 2008, by The Conservative Muse

Oh my, can’t you feel it? The “change” in the air?
Those winds kicking dirt and disheveling hair?
The strength of their gusts should suffice to remind you
A part of your stuff’s owed to someone “behind” you.
The redistributionist breezes are here
And Congressman Jimmy Moran leads the cheer!

This Virginian Democrat really did state
The following during a Town Hall debate
(We swear that it’s true, though it’s stranger than fiction):
Republicans have the “simplistic” conviction
“that people (with) wealth are entitled to keep it.”
As if, though they’ve sown it, they can’t ever reap it!

But wait! We’re not done! ‘Cause Moran then opines:
“They have an antipathy” ‘gainst all those kinds
Of laws “redistributing” much of their money.
Is this wacko for real, or thinking he’s funny?
He surely ignites some evocative sparks
Of that comedy duo named Lenin and Marx!

The Muse likes to think he’s above all the fray;
He’s classy enough that he never would say
The “change” on our Jim that we ought to bestow
Is swapping the “a” in his name for an “o”….
But clearly his rants can be taken to show
Barack and the Dems plan on spreading the dough!

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Barack Performs a Miracle

© 2008, by The Conservative Muse

There’s something the Muse has a need to admit,

a confession of sorts that he’d herewith submit.

He’s not a big fan of Obama, for sure,

nor happy for socialist plans we’ll endure.

You'll think that the Muse is just babbling insanely,

But Barack’s worked a miracle, putting it plainly.

It’s not that he won the election, Lord knows;

The deck was well-stacked ‘gainst McCain by his foes

At effectively all of the media’s stations

Who hid Barack’s past through unjust calculations:

Bill Ayers, Khalidi, and Fannie Mae’s woes

Were deemed less important than Palin’s new clothes.

And Al Qaeda’s still active, Iran’s getting nukes;

The world is still run by that gaggle of kooks

Who were only too happy to give their endorsement

To The One who’s unlikely to give much enforcement

To battling terrorist groups and their minions;

He’d rather sit down and discuss their opinions.

And we don’t give Him credit for causing the weather

In London when Parliament gathered together

To “stop” global warming by passing tough laws,

A coincidence sure to draw loudest guffaws

Since it snowed for the first time in seventy years --

Who’da thought CO2 could’ve frozen their rears!

No - the planet's not healed and the world hasn't changed,

The universe still hasn't been rearranged, 

but let's be assured we're not misunderstood:

Barack should be praised - yes, he honestly should – 

for doing what nobody else ever could:

He truly made Hillary Clinton look good!

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"What Would Obama Say" - a Logic Game for Kids!

© 2008, by The Conservative Muse

Ok, all you kids, put your thinking caps on;

We’ve got a few riddles to ponder upon:

Grab paper and pencil, and write down your name:

We’re playin’ the “What Would Obama Say” game!

Take “60” and “40,” and then “95,”

Use them all in a statement in which you contrive

To mimic some nonsense Obama might say;

We’ll give you a hint so you’re well on your way!

 

If “60” percent of us pay income tax, 

then “40” percent are exempt – these are facts!

Cutting taxes for some of the “60” who pay

In some way empowers Obama to say

“95” percent’s helped by the tax cut he'll cede; 

of remedial math he's in obvious need!

Are you getting the hang of it? Ready for more?

Here’s another small riddle you’ll like to explore:

In Barack’s world illogic runs second to none,

but tell us how 70’s equal to 1!

The answer lies not in a logical flaw

as much as a rank violation of law:

Barack’s pals at ACORN committed some crimes

By voting 1 registrant 70 times! 

If something you do yields something that’s good

They why won’t you do it as much as you could?

(Now settle down, kids, this is not about sex!) 

It’s government income and what one expects

By lowering tax rates on capital gains:

The revenues pour like the heaviest rains

In amounts that leave analysts truly amazed;

Then why would Barack want those rates to be raised?  

(the hint is: it’s socialist doctrine he’s stoking…) 

He says, “It’s just fair” – and he’s not even joking!

So, kiddies, expect to have plenty more fun  

pretending to enter the mind of The One

Who’ll lower the seas and cut warmth from the sun. 

The reign of his nonsense has barely begun!

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Joey, We Hardly Knew Ye

© 2008, by The Conservative Muse

Dear friends, here we’ve gathered, ‘neath darkening skies,

To mark the event of Joe Plumber’s demise.

The media choked him until he was dead

By “spreading a wealth” of manure o’er his head.

He committed the most unforgivable sin:

He caused the Obama campaign much chagrin

By asking a question that brought a bad answer….

You’da thought our poor boy had been peddling cancer

The way the lib media struck with such force

To minimize damage and kill off the source

Of redistributionist talk that had slipped

From Barack’s normal socialist-camouflage script.

Big-hearted Barack told this entrepreneur

His taxes would rise so The One could ensure

That “people beneath him” could rise to his height,

That “spreading the wealth” was a government’s right.

Libs laughed with derision ‘cause Joe said he planned 

To buy a small firm and make two fifty grand.

They chortled, they sneered - condescended with glee!

There’s no wealthy plumbers that they ever see!

Their trashing the messenger misses the point: 

The reply, not the question, is cause to anoint

Barack with a redistributionist oil

In which all the “wealthy” will soon be aboil.

The Dems who destroyed Joe won’t get their just pay,

Any more than they did when they knifed Fannie Mae. 

Belittle the guy putting truth on display

And stifle free speech: it’s the liberal way!

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The Elitist Lib Shuffle

© 2008, by The Conservative Muse

Roll your eyes up to the sky,

Take a breath, and give a sigh,

Look the fella in the eye and

Condescend

Condescend

Condescend

Smile because you know it all

Shake your head as you recall

Right wing brains are oh so small!

you’re bein’ the lefty…

Bein’ the lefty…

Oh what a lefty

e-l-i-i-i-t-e!

From The Elitist Lib Shuffle,

A Charleston two-step

- music and lyric by 

The Conservative Muse 

The lefty elites work up quite a big sweat

Through exercise brought by the effort to set 

Annoying conservatives back in their place 

Below any lib’s intellectual space.

Just point to Bill Ayers and Reverend Wright

and lefties perform this routine out of spite: 

They roll up their eyes, give a sigh, and then shrug;

They shake their heads, pained, like they need a good drug

To ward off distress caused by right wing inanity -

They’ll fight off these claims for the sake of humanity!

It’s “slanderous,” “racist” – “divisive,” at least,

This focus on Bill and the radical priest!

They’ll ask, “What’s the problem? Barack was just eight”

When Ayers set off all those bombs full of hate. 

Of course, he and Bill share a socialist tenet

that Obama’s kept hidden these months in the Senate.

“And how should Barack ever come to have known

The anti-States seeds that his Pastor had sown?”

He’s been in that church only 20-plus years;

We guess all those sermons can’t breach those large ears! 

They’ll throw us a curve to attempt a distraction: 

“If you want to find something that merits reaction

go look in Alaska, where Palin - that ditz! -

dismissed a state cop in a power-mad blitz!” 

Barack’s got no record, but does have a past

That features a heavily socialist cast.

For libs who would “change” the discussion so fast,

The Elitist Lib Shuffle remains unsurpassed!

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From Tiny ACORNS...

© 2008, by The Conservative Muse

The Circle of Life is a marvelous thing;

It gave Elton John cash to buy some more bling. 

From fertilized ova to full grown adults 

We witness in awe Nature’s stunning results. 

But a Circle exists that should make Barack choke:

when ACORN spawns scandals as big as an oak!

Oy vay it’s so strange how the best of intentions

Are thwarted by pols and their base interventions.

What started as efforts for housing the poor

Is a business that registers folks to insure

These “Democrats” vote for Obama – and then

Go do it all over, again and again…

These “voters” have attributes truly quite strange:

There’s some that are felons, and some are deranged;

There’s some who’re dead! Some have multiple names;

Apparently some play in NFL games

Since ACORN presented entire Cowboy rosters

To Vegas officials – now there’s some imposters!

These “nuts” would be funny if not for the facts

They’re active in battleground states to the max!

Obama once worked for this renegade set

And he's given them eight hundred grand to abet

This casting of fraud in the world’s biggest net.

It’s scary this guy could be president yet.

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