Look What Trash You Can Pick Up For One Dollar!

©  2012 by The Conservative Muse

Our economy's taken a terminal dive,

But one marketing sector seems truly to thrive.

It's the place where your money will buy you much more,

That establishment known as the Dollar Tree store.

If you're looking for items with class and distinction

This store is renowned for high culture's extinction.

Imagine the trinkets and junk that abound --

It's a place where that rag known as "Newsweek" was found.

'Twas last year that the firm was in bankruptcy hell,

For the price of a buck it was packaged to sell.

Not only of cash was the weekly bereft --

It appears journalistic ideals have left!

For something purporting to deal with the "news,"

The mag now articulates partisan views.

While wearing the mask of detached objectivity

It's focused to champion leftist activity.

If you doubt there exists this pro-Democrat stance

At this latest edition just take a quick glance.

There's majestic Obama, so regal and vain,

While his critics are bashed with the utmost disdain:

The mag tries to echo the leftists’ refrain

That all Barack’s critics have half of a brain.

So this mess that we’re in comes from purely bad luck?

Oh well … You get what you pay for…it’s only a buck!

Introducing Obama-Motors Greatest Achievement!

                                                     A Chevy Volt in Operation

2012 by The Conservative Muse

We've known e'er since that fateful day Obama took his oath

To expect a huge explosion in our governmental growth.

We've not been disappointed, as we've witnessed with dismay

Dodd-Frank and health "reform" -- just parts of quite a huge array.

While conservatives are apt to sing the socialistic blues,

The lefties want to tell us all what lightbulbs we can use.

From big-picture interference down to smallest nuts and bolts,

The shaky hand of government now gives us Chevy Volts!

Obama hates Big Oil and hopes to wean us from its grip....

But these GM-made electric cars give quite the scary trip.

They're a noble thought, indeed, except their major claim to fame

Is their disconcerting tendency for bursting into flame.

They haven't sold that many, but their owners are aware

That eight thousand were recalled to undergo a key repair.

But this concept was a loser when GM had first commenced it --

The Laws of Economics spoke so forcefully against it!

The selling price is 40 grand -- for 30 miles per charge;

Even economic dunderheads acknowledge that's too large.

Since Barack ignores the Law (of Constitution and Finances),

He gives the Volt a subsidy to help its meager chances.

It's a classic case of government's incompetent intrusion

Into industries it likes, to every other one's exclusion.

There's the solar panel scandal, when Solyndra bit the dust,

And the recent Feds' acknowledgement that ethanol's a bust.

If you're thinking of a Volt, then take this tip for sure success:

A Roman candle burns as bright and costs a whole lot less.

The Muse Ponders On His Favorite Christmas Gift....

(a picture of the gift is attached at the end of the poem)

© 2012 by The Conservative Muse

The holidays are difficult for children of the Muse;

It's hard to find a present that a lightweight bard can use.

They searched the local plazas, and our famous Galleria --

Who knew the perfect gift would be the pet that's known as "Chia?"

But not just any Chia pet would cause such huge delight

As the one our kids had gotten -- it was love at firstly sight!

'Cause this "pet" took not the form of standard zoologic stock --

It boasted in its stead the head of wonderful Barack!

Now don't get mad at us, it's not a thing that we invented

(Though we do appreciate the sense of humor represented).

And yet when once we ponder on this terra cotta greening

We see that vis-a-vis Barack there's deeper inner meaning.

If there's one thing we can say about the "Chia" brand creation,

It would be to give it credit as a marketing sensation.

Some lightning in a bottle by these silly things was caught --

Neither toy nor plant nor pet -- and yet a ton of 'em were bought.

Undoubtedly by now you'd say you know the story well:

Achievement of success with nothing substantive to sell.

Reminds us of a guy we know who used to go around

And "organize communities" within Chicago-town.

Of real world experience he didn't have a clue;

If asked to run a business he'd be stumped on what to do.

And yet the media all jumped to push this feel-good tale,

When all was said and done they had the means to make the sale.

As we sit and watch our Chia grow its creepy greenish hair,

We realize how much is missing from what's really there.

A trifle of a product, but it's sitting on our table --

And Barack is in the White House, where he clearly is unable!

Barack Caught In "XL" Trap!

© 2012 by The Conservative Muse

Your good friend The Muse is a pretty big dude;

We admit o'er the years that some pounds have accrued.

But we'd say that we're holding the line pretty well,

Though we buy all our clothing in sizes "XL"....

...As in "large-and-then-some," lest we feel too confined

By tight wardrobes that cause an uncomfortable bind.

While "XL" means to us a commodious size

To some it portends a political vise.

Poor Barack's being squeezed in a really tight spot,

He's been asked to approve a dread fossil fuel plot: 

The "Keystone XL"  is a pipeline designed

For Canadian oil to be Texas-refined.

By Department of State the whole Project's been blessed

But it's left all the liberal Greenies depressed,

Though the thousands of jobs are a potent allure --

Barack's caught twixt a rock and a hard place for sure.

He'll either create mad enviro-based mobs,

Or renege on his promise of "jobs, jobs, and jobs."

His response was Barack-ish to total perfection:

He delayed a decision 'til past the election

But now there's a sixty day deadline in place...

How ironic, this bind that The One has to face.

"XL" means to us great maneuvering room;

Let's hope it helps spell His political doom.

News Flash: The Muse Appoints Himself Fourth Greatest Poet!

© 2011 by The Conservative Muse

The Muse is quite a humble sort, of that you can be sure;

You certainly won't find us on a self-promoting tour.

But we recently submitted to a fawning interview...

When the public is a-clamoring, what else is one to do?

"So Muse," the interviewer said, "please tell us your opinion

Of where you rank midst poets of American dominion?"

"Well, there's Whitman (Walt), Em Dickinson, and then there's Dr. Seuss,

But surely next in line would come your rightward-leaning Muse."

"Good Lord," said he, "What chutzpah!  Did I really hear you right?

Has your ego taken off on some bizarre psychotic flight?

Your verse is dull and silly, and the farthest thing from clever,

Yet you've got the nerve to claim that you're our fourth best poet ever?"

"Of course I do," I said, "but it's not strange as it's appeared.

A self-esteem that's overlarge is really not so weird.

When you hear who set our standard it might come as quite a shock

'Cause as far as super egos go there's no one beats Barack.

"You surely are aware of how The One had dared to rate

Himself as fourth in line among the presidential great.

To speak so highly of himself he's easily enticed--

We're just glad he didn't rank himself with God and Jesus Christ!"

"OK, I get the picture," said the newsman with a grin,

"It's easy now to understand the company you're in.

With a dose of unreality Barack has been infused;

In Obama's world Will Shakespeare has got nothing on the Muse!”

Obama Confidential Letter Revealed: "Dear Santa..."

It's that time of year, and two years ago we stumbled upon this epistle from the Most Brilliant Man in the World; things haven't changed much!

© 2009, by The Conservative Muse

Dear Santa,

It’s late Christmas Eve, and the fam is in bed;

But I’m in the Office that’s Oval instead.

(I promise there’s no one named “Monica” here

providing inordinate holiday cheer!

Haha!)

There are some who might say that my writing this note

Proves I’m way too naïve to have gotten their vote.

But I’d say that this letter reflects my belief

In some tenets I hold as Commander-in-Chief.

For example, I’m not being naughty – I’m nice!

You’d think such a policy oughtta suffice

To send the strong signal to all of the world

that the flags of goodwill and of peace be unfurled.

I apologized all over Europe, and then

I extended to dictators time and again

An offer no Mafia don could resist:

We’ll talk to them nice if they unclench their fist!

And what’s Ahmadinejad done in reply?

He boosted his radioactive supply!

What to do with this nuclear profligate cheater?

We can’t get too tough; I’ll just have to be sweeter.

I also believe in big government power

(you can tell, cause our own’s growing huge by the hour).

Single payer-type health care is tops on my list,

Though I’ve told some “white” lies so the folks won’t get pissed.

Gaining “fairness” inspired my political start,

Redistributing wealth warms my socialist heart.

So what if the Soviet Union went bust?

Hugo Chavez will raise failed agendas from dust!

I’m such a big star I’m empowered to do

Wondrous things that can make our sick planet like new:

Bringing peace with a meekness that’s long overdue,

Changing climate and lowering sea levels, too.

If I believe I can make these objectives come true,

I can say I believe in a fiction like you!

Sincerely,

A passionate fan,

You-know-who!